Xpressions 2015

On Sunday 18th Oct 2015 Oracle Mumbai was host to Xpressions 2015 a speech contest for Toastmasters International. Xpression 2015 had participants from Toastmasters Clubs all over Mumbai. Participants contested in humorous speech and speech evaluation contests.

I too competed in the humorous speech contest. I based my short speech on a dialogue between Norm and Cliff from the popular TV show “Cheers”. I titled my speech “The Theory of Intelligence”.

The Theory of Intelligence

For a long time i thought, human intelligence was like our heights. No matter how high you are, that one extra inch would have done wounders to your self-esteem. Fellow Toastmasters and guests, welcome to our facility here at Oracle Mumbai for the speech contest. My topic for the day is “Theory of Intelligence”. From the dawn of the ages philosophers have contemplated over what intelligence is and how humans can improve there intelligence. Dante, Plato, Socrates, etc. and other philosophers in time have pondered on this idea. So i thought why not me. I can have my own theory on this subject. I am intelligent. After all i am an engineer. See being an engineer automatically gives me right competency to talk on anything under the sun. 

Going back to the analogy I gave before, as I thought more subject i came to realize, that there is only so much one can to to improve ones height. And then there is little one can do about it. But our brain is a fascinating machine. It stars working well before your born and stops only after death. This machine has the capability has the capability to improve over time. So you can train yourself, sharpen your mind and become smarter. 

So I decided to applying my engineering skills to come out with a solution to this problem and find an easy way to help people improve there intelligence. So I thought and thought and thought some more. And I saw still staring in blank. I was getting a little disheartened even. Now Napoleon once said ” Champagne to celebrate and cchampagne to contemplate.” I choose the later option. So I went out with my friends to a bar to have a few drinks. After about four dirks it struck me. This is it!!! It was a flash of light. Why didn’t I think about it before, well of course I had not been drinking before, so probably it was that. 

The story takes place in the savannas of Africa. In the great open pastures. There are herds gazelles grazing in the pastures. And where there are animals grazing there are always predators, lurking in the shadows, stalking their pray. Then the hunt begins. During the hunt the speed of the heard of gazelles is not determined by the fittest and strongest gazelles at the very start of the heard. But by the slowest and the weakest gazelles at the end of the heard. With each hunt, a weak link from that heard is removed. No matter how cruel this sounds but with each hunt the heard is actually improving.

I use the same analogy with our brain. Our brain is built up of brain cells. Our intelligence as with the heard is not determined by the fittest of the brain cells but by the weakest of the brain cells. No I need note tell you all how bad alcohol is for your body. Its equally bad for our brain since it kills brain cells. Now naturally alcohol is not going to kill the fittest of your brain cells first, but the weakest of the brain cells. So with each drink you get smarter and smarter and smarter. And that is why my friends I always sound smarter after a couple of beers. 

We all must have heard the old adage “An apple a day keeps a doctor away.”. Now with this new revelation I feel we need to change this adage. So I propose, “An apple and a beer a day keeps a doctor and ……” well I figured only this much. What more do you expect from a guy with his fifth pint of beer. Cheers!!!

Theory of Intelligence


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